This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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