So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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