nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
