You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
