How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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