My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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