Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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