dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
