I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
