Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My ATM looks so different sober.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
