I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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