Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
