Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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