They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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