I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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