I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
