I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
