Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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