At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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