why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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