If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
