Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
