worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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