take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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