I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Floor bacon is actually really good
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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