Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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