i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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