Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
