if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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