from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
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you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
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............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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