We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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