She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
