i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
