you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
