Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i now understand why vodka
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
