I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can feel your judgement through the phone
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
