I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
