I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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