New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
