So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
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Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
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All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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