the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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