i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
