i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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