He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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