I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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