HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
