dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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