Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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