apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
worst night to have a conscience
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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