My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
