I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We are two peas in an std pod
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I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Alive.
So much puke
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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