its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
