So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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