sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
