I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
