Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
