woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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