we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
