how can u be prego again
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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