Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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