Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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