My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
