she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
