I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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