If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
