you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The Olympian is in my bed
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
