need another drink. this is the easiest way
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
